Kosh by Gosh! Radio Talk Show

[Vorpal]

Kosh by Gosh

* dramatic introduction music from the B5 series *

Co-host: Welcome to the Kosh, by Gosh radio talk show, with your host, that Vorlon extraordinaire: Kosh.

Kosh: * musically tones – beautiful, but incomprehensible *

Co-host: Yes, well…. thanks as always, Kosh. And I am your co-host: Ed. Today’s program is brought to you by the Minbari Rangers, whose motto is “Been there for the One, done that for the One, died horribly for THE ONE.”

Co-Host: This morning we have a special guest on the show – a Shadow! Welcome to the show, uh, Mr. Shadow. Or is it Ms. I never can tell….

Shadow: * Huge glowering silence *

Co-host: Uh, right. Kosh, can you translate for us?

Kosh: * music * YES.

(pause)

Co-Host: Right. Okay, what did the Shadow say, Kosh?

Kosh: *music and then silence *

Co-host: * chuckles * There ya go folks! Kosh got me again.
But you know that I havta hit the switch now, Kosh ……

* Ed triggers a pre-recorded sound track in the studio. The voice of John Sheradin comes on, obviously a bad recording:

“I hate when he does that!”

Kosh: STOP. PLEASE.

Co-host: * looks a little nervous * Uh, ok, Kosh. How about if we take our first call for the day. See if our listening audience has a question for you or the Shadow.

Kosh: SHADOW

Co-Host: Uh, right. Okay, we have Steven from L5 colony Alpha in the Beta System. Welcome to the show, Steven.

Steven: * nervous voice * Hi…..This is my first time calling in.

Co-Host: Hello, Steven, glad you got through. Do you have a question for the Shadow?

Steven: * tries to imitate Kosh’s voice * YES.

Co-host: Very funny, Steven, now your question, please.

Steven: Yes, I would like to ask the Shadow why, if he was so honkin' powerful, why he needed to use Mr. Morden and others as agents. Why didn’t he just obliterate entire worlds directly instead of fooling around with proxies?

Shadow: * Even huger, more glowering, more resentful silence *

Co-Host: Ho ho…. Excellent question, Steven. Kosh, can you translate the Shadow's answer for us?

Kosh: * subtly different music * YES

Co-host: Alright, Kosh, Don’t make me hit the soundtrack again, Kosh….

Kosh: *music* THE SHADOW KNOWS

Co-host: The Shadow knows what exactly, Kosh?

Kosh: No.

Steven: I hate when he does that.

Co-host: You and me both, buddy. * cuts connection * Time for a commercial break.

* smarmy jingle about the Rangers saving a planet *

Co-Host: Okay, who is our next caller?


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OCC

Full disclosure – I must admit that I got the ‘huge, glowering silence’ routine for the Shadows idea from the Tolkien Sarcasm Page