Kosh by Gosh! Radio Talk Show

[Vorpal]

Kosh by Gosh

* dramatic introduction music from the B5 series *

Co-host: Welcome to the Kosh, by Gosh radio talk show, with your host, that Vorlon extraordinaire: Kosh.

Kosh: * musically tones – beautiful, but incomprehensible *

Co-host: Yes, well…. thanks as always, Kosh. And I am your co-host: Ed. Today’s program is brought to you by the Minbari Rangers, whose motto is “Been there for the One, done that for the One, died horribly for THE ONE.”

Co-Host: This morning we have a special guest on the show – a Shadow! Welcome to the show, uh, Mr. Shadow. Or is it Ms. I never can tell….

Shadow: * Huge glowering silence *

Co-host: Uh, right. Kosh, can you translate for us?

Kosh: * music * YES.

(pause)

Co-Host: Right. Okay, what did the Shadow say, Kosh?

Kosh: *music and then silence *

Co-host: * chuckles * There ya go folks! Kosh got me again.
But you know that I havta hit the switch now, Kosh ……

* Ed triggers a pre-recorded sound track in the studio. The voice of John Sheradin comes on, obviously a bad recording:

“I hate when he does that!”

Kosh: STOP. PLEASE.

Co-host: * looks a little nervous * Uh, ok, Kosh. How about if we take our first call for the day. See if our listening audience has a question for you or the Shadow.

Kosh: SHADOW

Co-Host: Uh, right. Okay, we have Steven from L5 colony Alpha in the Beta System. Welcome to the show, Steven.

Steven: * nervous voice * Hi…..This is my first time calling in.

Co-Host: Hello, Steven, glad you got through. Do you have a question for the Shadow?

Steven: * tries to imitate Kosh’s voice * YES.

Co-host: Very funny, Steven, now your question, please.

Steven: Yes, I would like to ask the Shadow why, if he was so honkin' powerful, why he needed to use Mr. Morden and others as agents. Why didn’t he just obliterate entire worlds directly instead of fooling around with proxies?

Shadow: * Even huger, more glowering, more resentful silence *

Co-Host: Ho ho…. Excellent question, Steven. Kosh, can you translate the Shadow's answer for us?

Kosh: * subtly different music * YES

Co-host: Alright, Kosh, Don’t make me hit the soundtrack again, Kosh….

Kosh: *music* THE SHADOW KNOWS

Co-host: The Shadow knows what exactly, Kosh?

Kosh: No.

Steven: I hate when he does that.

Co-host: You and me both, buddy. * cuts connection * Time for a commercial break.

* smarmy jingle about the Rangers saving a planet *

Co-Host: Okay, who is our next caller?


*********************************
OCC

Full disclosure – I must admit that I got the ‘huge, glowering silence’ routine for the Shadows idea from the Tolkien Sarcasm Page

[AmyG]

Cute. Very cute. But how come the host didn't ask Kosh and the Shadow for their "desert island" albums? ;-)

Aisling

[grumbler]

Yeah, and why didn't Kosh ask the Shadow if it had always wanted to be a Shadow, even as a kid, or whether it became a calling later in life?

Kosh needs some work if he wants to keep his show. Ask Al Franken.

[CRONAN]

The following is a record of the first, and last, attempt made by the Vorlons and Shadows to communicate....

Vorlon - (is silent)

Shadow - (even more silent)

5 mins later......

Vorlon - WHO ARE YOU?

Shadow - WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Vorlon - *WHO* ARE YOU?

Shadow - WHAT DO YOU *WANT*?

Vorlon - (emanates a high musical chord)

Shadow - (emanates a high pitched wail, then moves in.....)

- end record

[Lieutenant Keffer]

Originally posted by CRONAN
The following is a record of the first, and last, attempt made by the Vorlons and Shadows to communicate....

Vorlon - (is silent)

Shadow - (even more silent)

5 mins later......

Vorlon - WHO ARE YOU?

Shadow - WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Vorlon - *WHO* ARE YOU?

Shadow - WHAT DO YOU *WANT*?

Vorlon - (emanates a high musical chord)

Shadow - (emanates a high pitched wail, then moves in.....)

- end record

yep.

they could hardly be considered good conversationalists. i know i always hated standing next to Kosh at parties on B5. he never had anything interesting to say!